okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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