Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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