Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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