PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
