how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
