I think i sorta joined a cult last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
