matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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