So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
