This girl is more easily done than said...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
