Just fell off a train. Bad.
Where is the hickey?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
tell me about the fingering
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
