Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
