I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm at about main and main street
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
