How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize