It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize