I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pants are for mortals
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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