Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
