she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
