i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
