:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.