hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?