did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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