omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza