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Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
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