I'm gonna have a badass scar
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?