am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
