Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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