D3 body, D1 cock
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
