I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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