apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
