i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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