Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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