Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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