That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
