i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
