Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
