Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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