areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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