Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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