I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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