Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
