I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
