I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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