Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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