Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
