I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
