She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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