No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
