I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
