I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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