the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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