walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
