Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
