I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
