I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
