after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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