Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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