How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
