i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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