I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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