Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
