who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We are all done wearing pants today
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