Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
