He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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