Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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