I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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