I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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