i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
