It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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