i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to make out with him forever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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