ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
